6 Ways To STOP Sabotaging Your Life

Our biggest enemy is ourselves. We really can achieve extraordinary things in our lives but we sabotage our greatness because deep down inside we fear embarrassment when someone sees us make a mistake ~ Wendi Weiss

 

1. Self awareness; Realize self sabotage is mechanism to keep us playing small

Everyone has two parts of themselves; an inspired, positive aspect of self  and a doubtful, negative one. Once you realize that your outer world is merely a reflection of your inner world you can get to work on upgrading your mindset. Awareness is the backbone behind all positive change. Hence, the willlingness to explore the depths of your mind will free it.

Here are a few ways self sabotage shows up:

• You work on low priority tasks such as reading emails and leave the really important tasks like making sales calls undone..
• You spend an hour on the phone talking to a friend trying to help them with their marital problems vs spending that same hour writing out all the reasons you are grateful for your own spouse or life partner.
• You work yourself into state of complete exhaustion and mental fatigue vs taking short 3-5 minute breaks every 90 minutes throughout the day.
• Your become emotionally triggered because you were stuck in traffic on the way home from work so you indulge in 2 glasses of wine and cheese with crackers immediately when you walk in the door to take the edge off.
• You  mindlessly pick up your phone to scroll your social media feed vs only looking at it at a specific scheduled time each day.
• You spend the little bit of money you have in the bank on a new outfit vs investing it in something that will give you a ROI (return on investment).
• You overeat at a friend’s party but instead of getting on the scale the next morning you put your blinders on and just hope any extra weight gain will mysteriously melt away.

Once you acknowledge and notice your own patterns you can change them because you don’t know what you don’t know but now you will know.

2. Know your why; “The 3 Why Protocol”

If your why is big enough you will figure out a way to change your life. Yo have to have a good reason to get up everyday and do the work.

Growing up I felt like an outsider that never really fit in. I had little to no self esteem and purposely punished myself by overindulging in food, drugs, alcohol, ciggarettes, shopping, and even over working out. All of that changed after having my two sons. I couldn’t give up on. me because if I did it would mean I would be giving up on them. My boys became my reason why and motivated me to stop sabotaging my future.

Your life is the message and legacy you leave to the world. And you never know whose life you will impact by your own. It might be a family member, your next door neighbor, friend or coworker. Everyone’s life matters, and matters a lot. Ultimately, love is the answer.

Here are a few things to consider when thinking about your why

• Who matters most to you?
• What matter most to you?
• What do you want to be remembered for when you are no longer here?

I cal this the “3 Why Protocol.” If you don’t already know your why when you answer these 3  questions your why will reveal itself to you.

3. Claim your self worth

Okay, your fuel is your why but your power ultimately exists in claiming your self worth.

How? The words you speak after this basic short phrase of two simple words dictates your destiny: I am _____________. But there is one caveat, you have to feel it as true. That’s where repetition and practice is the mechanism that transforms these mere words into tangible outcomes.

• I am worthy. I am worthy. I am worthy. (if you say each simple sentence three times you can grow stronger in your conviction each time you state it)
• I am deserving. I am deserving. I am deserving. (matching the cadence of your breathe to each word spoken anchors in the feeling deeper and deeper)
• I claim my self worth, NOW. I claim my self worth, NOW.  I claim my self worth, NOW! (adding now to the sentence turns this declaration into a auto command which, when doing so, adds even more intensity to it)

 

4.  Install one new habit at a time

If you think to big it becomes daunting to even think about taking the first step towards it. That’s why “Leaning In” became a big buzz term a few years ago when chief operating officer of Facebook, Sheryl Sandberg’s book by the same name became a big hit. New habits stick by going slow and implementing them one small step at a time. Change is simple but not easy. Slow and steady is the way to go.

It’s NOT that we don’t know what to do. We do, for the most part. We don’t need more information. Actually the opposite is true. We become overwhelmed when we have too much information. Many times we are just addicted to accumulating knowledge. Most of the time, it’s about less, not more. With new habit formation this is usually the case.

The steps below will help you install new habits:

• Commit by being public about it..
• Set a date.
• Write your new habit in your calendar and set an alarm to remind you about it.
• Celebrate small wins. What gets celebrated, gets repeated.

 

5.  Reverse Engineer it

Our minds can think backwards, be highly alert and present in the here and now or travel forward to project a new image of something desired in the future.

Reverse engineering is about going forward and thinking backwards as if something has already happened.

Self sabotage is just a habit of the behavior in your past Reverse engineering can help you break the habit of self sabotage by creating a new future self.

You can train your mind and eventually your body to think in terms of a new, improved, more desired self.

These are the 5 steps to Reverse Engineer your empowered future self.  I will use a health related example below:

• Decide what you don’t want. Knowing this helps you figure out what you don’t want. For example if you don’t want to gain weight and feel lousy then the opposite of that is to be in great shape and feel great.
• Enlist your senses.  See it as if it already has happened. Use your vivid imagination. What image of yourself would you see in the mirror? Can you describe it? What features stand out most in a positive way? What type of outfit would you be wearing? Can you describe the details of the fabric you are wearing? Who is with you? What conversations are you having? Are you smiling or laughing? What types of meals do you see yourself eating? Are you eating greens and deliciously healthy food? Describe how it tastes….
• Allow your mind to leisure and linger in the actionable steps that made your health goal possible. See the action steps in reverse. Can you see yourself exercising most everyday? Were you bike riding or at the gym. Were you playing tennis or taking a yoga class? Where you alone or with someone? Did you carry water around with you everywhere you went?
• Be in gratitude. What you appreciate, appreciates.  When the heart is aligned with thankfulness, everything becomes softer, easier and better even your future. It’s as if the heart is a magnifier to bring more of what you want into your life just by appreciating what is already there.
• Add in your WHY. When you have a greater purpose for your desires, your wants become more meaningful. Your why also is another heart amplifier and matters of the heart have the ability to withstand struggles and tough times. In your reverse engineer it is equally as important to dress reverse in your mind the difficulties that may pop up so when you are taken back by them you will have already practiced getting back up again even through the toughest of times.