It’s raw. It brings up deep, uneasy emotions. It’s complicated, and it frees us.

Forgiveness.

I’m not saying it’s easy. It’s really the opposite. There are always a few heavy-duty whammies where the hurt is so raw that it feels nearly impossible to forgive. I really do believe that those are the ones, which when healed, become our primary ticket to happiness.

That said, sometimes we have to LET OUT (not let go of) our pent-up disappointment, anger, or resentment in order to get through it. We have to feel it to heal it.

For me, growing up in my family was extremely painful. My mom, who divorced my dad when I was three, moved my brother and me from Baltimore, Maryland, to Atlanta, Georgia, then to Johnston, Rhode Island, and then eventually down to South Florida. I felt like a misfit, outcast, and drifter. I was insecure, shutdown, and in enormous emotional pain. I didn’t know who I was or where I was going. On top of the numerous relocations, my mom got married and divorced about a half dozen times. It infuriated me. It was embarrassing. I was full of shame.

I certainly didn’t realize that this feeling of resentment would eventually be the catalyst that would put me on a seeker’s path.

I remember the day I realized that in order for me to build a new life, I had to let go of the shitty story of the past—the one that replayed in my mind like an audio loop of horror. I had to set fire to old grieving me and find a way to light a path for the new me.

I started writing every morning, took endless hours of yoga, meditated obsessively, drum circled, wrote in my gratitude journal, and set an intention to the sunrise every morning. I was so dedicated because the pain I felt really hurt, and I wanted to heal it. It worked. I was healing.

My intuition started to kick in. I was primed and open. That’s about the time when I heard Marianne Williamson talking on the radio about the power of forgiveness based on the teachings from A Course in Miracles, and I knew. I had to forgive my mom. I had to forgive the past. I had to forgive myself. Forgiveness was the key to a divinely blessed life.

I knew I had to do it. I felt the TRUTH of my higher self nudging me with support while whispering, “Yes, you can do it.” The messages started to get stronger. “Be vulnerable, open your heart, be kind, do whatever it takes.” It didn’t matter what role my mom played, by the way; this was about me. I was the one who was accepting the healing. I was the one who would become free.

It wasn’t easy. It happened in layers. I had to disconnect before I could reconnect. I am still a work in progress, practicing forgiveness every day.

I continue to pray about conflicts that rear their ugly heads from time to time. I meditate and pray about all of my relationships. I radiate love and light to those I love as well as to those who challenge me. I see an illuminated light shining over our world, humanity, and life.

I soulfully express my desire to serve humankind and make the world a better place, and because of that, I choose to forgive EVERYONE, EVERYTHING. And for those I have hurt, disappointed, or angered, I am sorry. I wish you peace, love, and abundance.